Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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