I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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