I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
