I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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