just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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