And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
