I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
