sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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