idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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