Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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