five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm always down for nudity.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
