Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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