I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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