why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
