Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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