This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
