Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
