just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize