it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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