Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
