remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
