I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
