I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
