my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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