I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
high people should be assigned attendants
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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