Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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