party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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