is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
