I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
