I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize