There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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