I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
