Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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