Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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