dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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