bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
