Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
