Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You made out with two different species that night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
