i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
