so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
