i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
