I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
