Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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