The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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