i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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