First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
