Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
