I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
