girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
