Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
