Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
