I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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