A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
