u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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