doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
