every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
