That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
