Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
