I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
