you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
