I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
