You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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