I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
