Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
