i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
